The End Of The World As We Know It
by Miss Jagan
Summary: When someone is the whole world to you, what happens to the world when you face the possibility of losing that person?  JAGAN SLASH
1. Chapter 1

**A/N. Guys, I know that I didn't finish 'A Very Jagan Christmas' but that's because I got busy and then I was sick and then it was February and. . . yeah. But if enough people are still interested then I will be happy to finish it. I just. . . I just need to write an angsty Jagan haha. So yeah, this is another multi-chapter Jagan that I hope to actually finish. I hate unfinished projects. Yes. Anyway, we'll see!**

"Logan?" James looked up from the newspaper he was reading and smiled up at Logan. "Hey, you're finally home." He folded the paper and set it aside before standing up and greeting his boyfriend with a light kiss. "I missed you." He murmured softly. "Welcome home."

Logan leaned into James' gentle touch, resting his forehead on James' shoulder. "Hi," He said quietly. "It's good to be home. I missed you too."

Immediately, James could tell that something was wrong. "Hey," He said, pulling slowly away. "Logie, is something wrong?"

Logan sighed and offered James a weak smile. "I'm sorry. It was a long day."

Concerned, James took Logan's wrist in a gentle grip and walked him over to the couch. "Sit down." He instructed. "Now," He sat down close to Logan so that their knees were touching. "Talk to me."

Another sigh shuddered through Logan and he rubbed his temple with his fingertips. "I just. . . I lost this patient and. . . I was so sure that she was fine, James. I thought I had saved her. She was fifty-two and had a stroke but her husband called 911 and they brought her in so quickly so it wasn't like we didn't have enough time. One minute, she was perfectly stable and the next. . ." Logan trailed off and shrugged, looking into James' eyes, his own chocolate brown orbs filled with tears. "She was crashing and. . . I lost her."

"Oh, Logan." James sighed then and leaned forward to take Logan into his arms. "I'm sorry." He was so proud of Logan for achieving his dream of being a doctor but he hated it when Logan came home so broken and upset. "You know that you can't save everyone, right?" He whispered softly into Logan's ear, while one hand ran up and down his back in a soothing manner.

"I know." Logan whispered, his face pressed into the crook of James' neck. "It's just so. . . hard when I can't save someone. A-and when I have to t-tell their families, James. That's the worst part."

James closed his eyes. He couldn't imagine how horrible it was telling someone that their loved one was gone for good. What if he lost Logan? His grip tightened as the thought passed through his mind and he shuddered slightly. He never wanted to think about that. "Logie," His whispered. "I'm so sorry and I. . . I wish I could help you more."

At his words, Logan drew away very slowly and forced a more convincing smile. "You are helping me." He said gratefully. "It makes it easier when I can just. . . tell you absolutely everything and you just listen. It means a lot."

"I'm glad." James returned Logan's smile and placed a hand gently on his face to wipe the remaining tears away. "Just remember," He added, leaning in to drop a tender kiss on Logan's forehead. "You're an amazing doctor and that hospital is so lucky to have you. And you'll always have me. I love you, Logan."

Logan's smile grew and he returned James' kiss. "I love you too, James." He murmured in contentment. "So much."

James wrapped his arms around the smaller man and pulled him close. "So," He said, resting his chin on top of the dark brown hair. "What do you want to do?" He knew to be gentle with Logan because even though he had been cheered, it was only a small comfort and he was still hurting. "We can watch a movie or-"

"_Miracle_?" Logan asked, suggesting James' favorite movie.

James knew that Logan had suggested that movie because he loved it so much. "I'd love to but is that really what you want to watch? We can watch something else tonight if you'd rather."

Logan shook his head, the pain in his eyes lightening with each passing second that he spent in James' arms. "No, I like _Miracle_. I love watching you when we watch it. It makes you so happy."

James laughed lightly. "Okay, then." He said, giving Logan one last quick kiss before standing up to set up the movie. "I guess I can't argue with that." He moved about the room, hurrying to get the movie started so he could be back with Logan.

As soon as James sat back down, Logan leaned into him, resting his head against the broad chest. James responded by draping an arm over his shoulders and giving him a light squeeze. "Thanks," Logan said quietly as the opening credits began. "You always make me feel so much better. Sometimes it's easier if I can just. . . distract myself."

James couldn't resist. "Is a distraction what you really want?" He asked with a mischievous grin. He sat up from his reclined position on the couch and took Logan's chin firmly in one hand, tilting his face upwards until their lips met. As they kissed, he placed his hands on Logan's waist and slid a hand under his thin cotton t-shirt to gently stroke his bare back.

Logan shuddered at the intimate contact and leaned in closer, lifting one hand to touch the side of James' face and then settling it into his brunette hair, and running his fingers through the silky soft strands. "J-James," He stammered.

"Are you okay?" James reluctantly pulled away to look carefully at Logan.

"Y-yeah." Logan's stammer still had yet to leave him. "I-I just. . . we're missing your favorite movie."

Only Logan would honestly worry about James missing a movie he had probably seen a hundred times before. James chuckled softly and responded by pulling Logan back to him. "Yeah, that's okay though. We can pay more attention next time we watch it. Carlos and Kendall are supposed to come over tomorrow night. Maybe we'll behave better then.

Logan laughed then. "I hope so. But just the same, I don't think Kendall or Carlos would be too thrilled about watching _Miracle _again."

James grinned. "They can always watch us." He teased, kissing Logan again.

"I'm sure," Logan whispered in between kisses. "I'm sure that they wouldn't be bored. However," He added, sitting back so that he could actually look at James. "I don't want to be rude."

"I'm confused then," James said, taking a quick glance at the TV, surprised at how far along the movie was. "Do you want to make out now or tomorrow in front of Kendall and Carlos?"

"Both," Logan said right away. "But I'll settle for right now and try to restrain myself in front of the others."

"Sounds like a plan." James sighed and rested his forehead against Logan's, running his fingers his lightly muscled arms. "What time do you get home tomorrow anyway?"

"I go in a 7:00." Logan made a face at the thought of having to arrive at work so early. "But that means I can get off pretty early. Probably 2:00. What time did you tell Kendall and Carlos to come over?"

"5:30." James smiled against Logan's lips. "That leaves us. ."

"Three and a half hours, Math Whiz." Logan teased.

"Hey," James protested. "You're smart enough for the both of us, thanks very much." Content to watch the movie for the time being, he leaned back, resting his head on the back of the couch and pulling Logan into his lap.

Logan only paid a little attention to the movie itself. He really did love to observe James watching his favorite movie. A child-like excitement lit up his hazel eyes and the smile that graced his beautiful face, showed off small dimples in his face. It almost made Logan completely forget how bad he had been hurting only moments ago. It was almost enough to make him completely forget the agony of defeat and losing another human life. He felt safe in James' arms, surrounded by a peace that was impossible to describe. He had stopped trying to understand it and merely be thankful for it. For James.

James glanced down at Logan after some time and smiled when he saw his boyfriend sound asleep. He was so beautiful but James especially loved watching him sleep. The worried and stressed lines that marred his forehead during the day when work was on his mind, would fade until they were invisible and Logan looked as peaceful and as innocent as a very young child, without a care in the world.

**A/N. Oh man. This was probably as usual, a horrible failure and I'm sorry. I also apologize for the shortness of this chapter but it's just the introduction so. . . review? Maybe? **


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N. Daylight Savings Time is the worst idea ever. Seriously. Whoever came up with it sure didn't consider insomniacs like me. Four hours of sleep. Give me more caffeine please. Thank you. Anyway, thanks to those who reviewed chapter one! This is where things get angsty because if I hold off on the angst for too long, things get really bad. -evil laugh- I don't own anything.**

A shrill beeping sound woke James up early the next morning. He groaned and covered his head with his pillow, trying to shut out the noise and go back to sleep. He didn't know what time it was but it was still a little dark outside so that meant it was way too early to be getting up.

"Sorry," Logan mumbled sleepily. He reached over James and struggled to hit the alarm off and only succeeded in knocking it off the night stand. "Sorry," He said again after James jumped at the loud crash.

Despite the fact that he was still half asleep, James smiled and turned to face him. "You're such a klutz sometimes." He whispered fondly. "What time is it anyway?"

"Only 5:30." Logan whispered back, leaning down to drop a kiss on James' forehead. "I have to head into the hospital now. Go back to sleep."

Obediently, James closed his eyes but as Logan got up from the bed, James reached out and grasped onto his wrist, pulling him back down close to him. "You know, I am so proud of you for being a doctor just like you always dreamed of. But I hate when you have to leave. I miss you so much."

"I miss you too." Logan said softly. "But I'll be home later today, okay?" He kissed James again and then gently freed his wrist. "I love you."

"I love you too." James reluctantly let go of Logan and watched him leave the room. He sighed and turned over, shutting his eyes to go back to sleep. But he didn't drop off right away. Instead he listened to the sound of Logan walking quietly around the house and he prepared to leave. When the front door shut and James heard the car pull out of the driveway, he reached out and pulled Logan's pillow to him, drifting off into a peaceful sleep, the scent of Logan calming him.

* * *

Logan arrived at the hospital at 6:30, a full half an hour before his shift actually started. He greeted Debbie, the morning receptionist and headed into his office to prepare for the day. The room was small but Logan was neat so he managed to make it work perfectly for everything he had.

He sat down at his desk and began sifting through the pile of paperwork that had magically appeared overnight. He sighed, thinking of how he loved his job but hated all the paperwork involved. "I need a secretary." He said to himself, briefly considering asking James. "He's too disorganized." He corrected himself right away with a small laugh. "I'd end up with even more work."

As he bent over his work, his eyes strayed to a picture frame that sat on his desk. James, Kendall, and Carlos. He couldn't ask for three better people in his life. Especially James. They had all supported him and his dream of being a doctor for as long as he could remember. Logan wasn't completely sure that he would have actually succeeded if they hadn't been there for him every single step of the way.

The thought of James and his best friends made Logan smile and he temporarily forgot all about the mountain of paperwork sitting in front of him. He couldn't wait to get back home to James that afternoon. He couldn't wait for Kendall and Carlos to come over in the evening. It had been far too long since they had all been together and it gave him something to look forward to and get through the day.

A knock at the open door of his office jolted Logan out of his thoughts and he looked up, slightly embarrassed to be caught day dreaming. "Hey, Steve." He greeted his colleague. "Got more paperwork for me?"

"Right!" Steven said with a cheerful nod. "Because you're my favorite fellow doctor in this hospital."

Logan rolled his eyes. "You know _some colleagues_ bring each other coffee this early in the morning."

"Where's my coffee then?" Steven said without missing a beat. "Anyway, you know that you love paperwork. It's your favorite thing in the world next to James."

A blush heated up Logan's face and he pretended to study the forms Steve had brought him. "Yeah, sure." He said vaguely. One particular name stood out to him and he sighed, laying the page down in front of him.

"What's up?" Steve asked, concerned by the sudden change in his friend's demeanor. He looked over Logan's shoulder and then nodded in understanding. "Ah, Lucy Phelps. Wasn't she-"

"The patient that I lost yesterday." Logan finished. "Yes."

"Logan, you know that you can't save everyone right?" Steve pointed out. "No one can. You could be the greatest doctor in the world and there will always be the people that you can't do anything to help. Don't be so hard on yourself."

A small smile replaced the heavy frown on Logan's face. "James said almost the exact same thing to me last night." He said quietly. "And I knew that both of you are right. It's just. . . I felt like I really should have been able to help her. Now her husband doesn't have his wife and her kids don't have their mother. I guess it just makes me think of. . . of losing James and how much that would hurt."

Steve shook his head. "You're way too serious, Logan." He said firmly. "You may have lost that woman yesterday but today is different."

"You remind me of Kendall." Logan said with a laugh. "He's always giving us pep talks."

"Yeah, well good for him. You need them." Steve slapped Logan's shoulder and then turned to leave. "I gotta run but I'll see you around."

"Thanks, Steve." Logan called after him. Alone again, he fell to studying the paperwork before his day really began. Steve was right. So was James. He had to stop getting so down on himself when things didn't go as planned. He couldn't be thinking about Lucy Phelps today. He had to focus on the patients that came into him. There was nothing he could do for Lucy but he could help others.

So he did. He finished a few stacks of paperwork before he was called down to the ER. He gave thirteen stitches to a little girl who had fallen off her bike and sang softly to her the entire time to distract her from what he was doing. He diagnosed a little boy with a case of the chicken pox and then thoroughly disinfected himself of the extremely contagious germs. He remembered that the good things about being a doctor outweighed the bad things.

* * *

It was his lunch break then and Logan sat in the hospital cafeteria with Steve. He picked at the unappetizing chicken sandwich in front of him and sighed. "I knew I should have brought my own lunch." He muttered quietly to Steve. "You'd think I'd learn after the mac and cheese here gave me food poisoning."

Steve opened his mouth to reply but a strange noise temporarily paralyzed his vocal cords. He frowned and cocked his head to the side, looking intently at Logan who had frozen as well. "Did you hear that?" He asked quietly.

The small cafeteria had gone completely silent. Logan merely nodded and held a finger to his lips. In the distance, he could make out startled screams and he tensed slightly before standing up and hurrying over to the door. "I think. . . I think someone out there has a gun." He had heard gunshots before. On TV. But never in real life. Still. Somehow he knew.

"Are. . . are you sure?" A young nurse, Logan couldn't remember her name, walked over to join him. Her face was pale with fear.

Logan nodded and started to say something else but a second gun shot interrupted him and he turned around. "Stay here and call the police." He told everyone in the room.

"Wait, Logan!" Steve jumped up to follow his friend. "Logan, you don't know what's going there. You can't just-"

"Yes I can." Logan interrupted. "Stay here." He hurried out of the room, ignoring Steve and a few other doctors who had followed him anyway. The gunshots had come from the west side of the hospital and even now he could hear more panicked screams. He broke into a run until he was nearly knocked aside by Debbie. "Debbie, what-"

"It's Mr. Phelps." The receptionist gasped out. "The man who's wife died here yesterday. He's looking for you and everyone else who was with you when she died. Logan, you're not safe."

Logan brushed her gently aside. "No one is safe." He told her. "Steve, stay here and make sure he doesn't try to get to the patients. Keep everyone as safe as possible."

"Logan, don't be stupid." Steve snapped. "The guy wants to kill you and you're running right to him?"

"Yeah. Because if I don't do something then a lot of innocent people are going to die."

"You're innocent, Logan. It wasn't your fault that she died. What about. . . What about James?"

Logan hesitated for a second and then shook his head. "Stay here." He whispered, blinking back tears. "Please." Without waiting for a reply, he pushed his friend aside, hoping that he might somehow see him again. And Kendall. And Carlos. And James.

As he followed the screams Logan thought of how he had told James about his lost patient only the night before. It seemed like such long time ago but it hadn't even been a full twenty-four hours. Who knew that it could have resulted in something so disastrous? Logan knew he couldn't hide from what was definitely a mad man with a gun. He had to be stop him. Or die trying.

Then he was there. Logan saw him. He forgot his first name and said the first thing that came to his mind. "Mr. Phelps, please stop."

Cold blue eyes stared back at him. A spark of recognition transformed to pure hate. "You. You're the one who let her die. My wife. She's dead because of you."

Logan held up both hands in a pointless attempt to stop the older man's advances. "Sir," He urged gently. "Don't do this. Please don't hurt any more innocent people. I'm sorry about your wife, I truly am. I. . . We did our best. But-"

"Shut up!" The man growled. "Just shut up. I don't want to hear any of your excuses." He raised the gun and fired.

The impact of the bullet sent Logan straight to the ground. He staggered and fell, smacking the back of his head on the floor and for a moment he saw stars. Then pain flooded through him, the majority of it on the left side of his chest. Instinctively, as he began to black out, his hand flew to the bullet wound in a desperate attempt to slow the blood flow. It was useless. He was dying.

The ceiling grew dimmer as Logan struggled to remain conscious. He heard shouting and another gun shot. He wanted to get up and do something. To help someone. But this time things were different. This time he needed help.

Logan gasped for air and choked. He felt a trickle of blood leave his mouth and run down the side of his face. He no longer felt any pain. He felt numb, like he was floating in mid-air. Everything was muffled and dark. He clung to his fading life but he knew it was only a matter of time. He let his eyes drift shut, his mind holding onto one last thought:

_James._

**A/N. Okay, I'm extremely unhappy with the way this turned out. I'm sorry. I'm already sleep deprived and stupid DST. Blah. But Logan is dying which is cool anyway. Review?**


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N. So sorry for the long wait! I didn't mean to leave you hanging for quite so long. Anyway, everyone go to iTunes right now and buy Boyce Avenue's cover of 'Perfect' because all the proceeds for the rest of March are going to Japan. -heart- I don't own anything!**

James hated not having Logan with him but the mornings were the worst. It seemed like a bad way to start the day. After trying and failing to go back to sleep for nearly half an hour, James gave up. Sighing, he got out of the bed and headed to the bathroom to get ready for the day.

Dressed and with little appetite, James wandered into the living room and sat down at the piano he and Logan had bought a few months ago. His fingers brushed over the smooth black and white keys before he settled into an absentminded playing of whatever came to his mind. His thoughts were scattered and elsewhere other than where his body was and he lost track of how much time had passed.

The piano was his favorite instrument. James felt that it had more emotion that the guitar or drums. It could turn a hideous pop song into a beautiful ballad. He had been playing the piano since he was six and it had almost always helped clear his thoughts from whatever was troubling him. But it was different without Logan. Everything was different without Logan.

James wasn't completely dependent on Logan but he loved him enough that it hurt to let him go for the hours he was at work. He loved Kendall and Carlos but the moments he treasured most were the ones when he had Logan all to himself. He loved holding him in his arms because of how perfectly his smaller body fit in his arms. He loved playing the piano for Logan and singing to him and having Logan join him, their voices mixing together in a sweet and beautiful melody.

The ringing of his cell phone jolted James out of his thoughts and he glanced at the mobile device that sat in front of him. His heart fell slightly when he didn't see Logan's number on the screen but he was quick to pick it up just the same. "Hey, Carlos." He greeted in what he hoped sounded like a cheerful tone.

Carlos chuckled. "Logan's gone isn't he?"

"How can you tell?" James asked in confusion.

Carlos laughed again and James could even hear Kendall laughing in the background. "James," Carlos said patiently. "Every time Logan isn't with you, you sound like someone just. . . kicked your puppy or gave you a horrible hair cut."

Involuntarily, James' hand flew to the brunette hair to make sure it was still all there. Then he joined his friends in laughing at himself. "Yeah, I guess." He said easily. "Sorry to be so obvious about it."

"Hey, man I can't really blame you." Carlos told him comfortingly. "Anyway, I was just calling to see what time you and Logan wanted us to come over? Both of us forgot."

James rolled his eyes and shook his head fondly. "What made you forget this time?" He teased. "A little busy over there?"

"Shut up." James could practically _hear _ Kendall blushing as he took the phone from Carlos. "What time?"

Graciously deciding to drop the matter so that he and Logan could pick it back up later that night, James stood up and walked to the kitchen to look at the calender. Logan always had everything planned out there. "5:30." He told his friend. "See you then?"

"Yup. See ya, James." Kendall returned the farewell and then handed the phone back to Carlos so he could say goodbye too.

James shut his phone and slid it into his pocket. He glanced out the window. It was a beautiful day to go for a walk and he might as well pass the time since it was still only 11:30 in the morning. He flung a light jacket over his shoulders just in case and then stepped outside.

He headed straight over to the local park where there was an easy hiking trail. It was early fall and the leaves on the trees had just started to change brilliant shades of red, orange, and yellow. Eventually, they would weaken their hold on the branches and fall to the ground, turning a dead brown color, but for the time being, they were beautiful. James whistled quietly to himself as he walked along the dirt path. He was alone in the park, most likely because all the kids were in school and all the adults were at work.

His thoughts drifted to his earlier conversation with Kendall and Carlos. Did he really sound that gloomy when Logan wasn't around? A blush heated up his cheeks and James ducked his head even though there was no one around to see him. He couldn't help himself, really. Everything about Logan made James miss him when he was gone. James was just glad that Logan was only working until the early afternoon today. He'd be home soon.

James glanced at his watch and was surprised to see how much later it was. He had been out for nearly an hour. He decided to head back home and relax until Logan came home and they had to get ready for Kendall and Carlos. As he emerged from the shadow of the trees, James heard the wail of sirens. He glanced up curiously just in time to catch sight of several police cars as they sped past. "Must be some accident." He murmured quietly to himself.

The walk home was uneventful but as soon as James walked through the front door, the home phone rang. He shrugged off his jacket and left it hanging over a chair as he hurried to answer the phone. "Hello?"

"James?"

It was Kendall again, only this time he sounded different. Panicked and afraid. Not like Kendall normally sounded. Concerned, he frowned. "Hey, Kendall. Is everything-"

"James, we tried calling your cell phone. Where's Logan? Is he okay?"

His cell phone. It was still in his pocket but he hadn't heard it ring all afternoon so the battery must have died. But that wasn't important now. An uneasy feeling came over James and he shook his head before he realized Kendall wasn't there to see him. "He's. . . he's at work." He whispered. "What are you talking about, Kendall?"

"James," Kendall was silent except for the sound of his harsh, uneven breathing.

"What's wrong?" Fear made it difficult for James to speak or even think very well. He sank down into the nearest kitchen chair and clutched the phone closer to his ear with a grip so tight that his knuckles had turned white.

Then he heard something he thought he would never hear. Kendall was _crying_. The sound was so soft that it was barely noticeable but it was real. "Turn. . . turn on the TV, James."

At first James wasn't sure he could move from the kitchen to the other room where the TV was but he finally stumbled to his feet and walked on shaking legs to collapse in the middle of the floor with the remote in his free hand. "Which channel?" He asked as he turned to the TV on. He didn't need Kendall to answer him though because the first thing he saw was breaking news footage of. . . of the hospital Logan worked at.

Suddenly, it was extremely difficult to breathe naturally because fear was suffocating him. James stared at the new reporter as she went on and on about some guy sneaking into the building with a gun and going absolutely nuts, shooting people, shooting _doctors._

"I need to call him" James told Kendall in a daze. He heard his friend protest but he hung up anyway and then dialed Logan's cell phone number with shaking fingers. It rang once, twice, three times, four times. It rang a fifth time and then Logan's voice mail picked up and told James to leave a message. "Logan," He choked out in a breathless voice as the first tears began to slid down his pale cheeks. "Call me. Please call me as soon as you get this message. Please. I. . . I need you."

But he refused to believe the obvious so James quickly dialed the number for Logan's office at the hospital. One ring. Two. Three. Four. Five. Six. Voice mail. James left the same frantic and strained message and then dropped the phone. As soon as it hit the floor, it rang again and he snatched it up, pressing the _Talk_ button before he even looked at the number. "Logan?" _Please, please, please._

"James, stay there okay? Carlos and I are leaving and we're coming to pick you up. Don't drive right now okay?" Kendall's voice was remarkably calm and soothing despite his obvious fear. "Promise me, James." He pleaded. "Just promise me that you'll wait for us."

As much as James wanted, _needed_, to get to Logan as quickly as possible, he knew Kendall was right. He was in no condition to drive. "Okay." He said quietly in a voice that was broken. "Hurry."

They did hurry. Kendall and Carlos came bursting through the front door not even ten minutes after the last phone call. They were at James' side in an instant, helping him back up to his feet and walking with him back out the front door. "Have you heard?" Carlos couldn't help but ask hopefully.

But James only shook his head wordlessly as he climbed in Carlos' waiting car. "Nothing." He said, staring out the window. "Absolutely nothing. When. . . when did this even happen?"

"We were watching a hockey game," Kendall began in a tense voice. "And it got interrupted for. . . for you know. . . breaking news. I guess it happened a little after 12:00." He glanced over at Carlos, who nodded. "We tried calling your cell phone but you didn't answer. Then we called your home phone and. . . and you answered."

The remainder of the ride was silent, each of them lost in their thoughts. Their fear increased when they finally arrived at the hospital to see that it was surrounded by police cars and even the FBI. "How bad is it?" Carlos murmured softly as his dark eyes scanned the front lawn, searching for one person in particular.

"Excuse me," A uniformed man stopped them. "You can't come any closer. We brought down one shooter but we have to make sure that he was working alone."

"But Logan," James protested weakly, allowing himself to be led away by Carlos and Kendall. He sank down on the curb and dropped his head into his hands. "I can't lose him." He told his friends, desperately. "I just can't. I need him."

"I know." Kendall said, laying an arm around James' shoulders and pulling him close. "We all do."

Helpless to do anything else, they waited in silence. Just when James felt he would go insane, he heard a familiar voice calling his name. He looked up quickly and his tired eyes located Steve, one of Logan's fellow doctors and friends, in the hospital. He shook of Kendall's arm and shot to his feet. "Where is he?" He begged.

"James," Steve's face was white as he approached the other three. "I'm sorry, James. I tried to stop him but he said he had to go and-"

"He got shot didn't he." James said, feeling his heart sink. His words were a statement and not a question but all the same, tears crowded his eyes when he saw Steve nod very reluctantly. "Is he-"

"He's in surgery," Steven told them all as he took James by the elbow. "Come on. You can get in if you're with me. The. . . shooter. . . he was alone but they just want to make sure. Anyway, come on."

The hospital was strangely empty except for a number of policemen and members of the FBI prowling the hallways. As they walked past some of the rooms, James took note of the expressions of terror on the patients' faces. "Steve," He said, still in a daze. "How bad was it?"

"I'm not really sure. Six or seven? All doctors. No one is dead. . ."

_Yet_. "James finished for him silently. "Why?"

"His wife was one of Logan's patients yesterday." Steve answered with a sigh. "She died and he. . He came in here today and just. . . he just lost it." He stopped by a small group of empty chairs and gestured towards them. "Wait here." He instructed. "I'll go see if I can find anything else out."

James and Kendall and Carlos all sank obediently into the chairs and watched as Steve left them in search of information concerning Logan. James clasped his fingers tightly together and stared hard at his shoes. "Logan told me about that patient." He whispered to Kendall and Carlos. "He was so upset. . . he said he should have been able to save her." He brought his head up to stare at his friends. "It wasn't his fault that she died. I told him that he can't save every patient. Now. . ."

Carlos laid a gentle hand on James' shoulder. "He'll be okay, James." He whispered unconvincingly. "He's strong."

"He has to be okay." James said quietly. "I don't think I can live without him." He felt Carlos' hand on his shoulder tighten reflexively and he nodded. "I know," He said. "I know I have you two. It's just-" He cut himself off with a deep, shaky sigh. "He _can't_ die." He whispered fiercely. "He can't."

After what seemed like days instead of a single hour the sound of footsteps brought James out his silent reasoning of why Logan couldn't die. He looked up with Kendall and Carlos to see Steve walking towards them with a blank expression on his face. He didn't bother to stand, knowing that his legs weren't going to be strong enough to support him. "Well?" He asked, not knowing what else to say.

**A/N. Another cliffhanger -slapped- I'll try to update soon. In the meantime buy Boyce Avenue's cover of 'Perfect'. May you all be blessed with Klainebows and Jaganbows lol. Review?**


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N. I can't seem to shake this cold or whatever it is. Blech. Not a way I wanted to start off the spring. Anyway, I think this story is due for an update. I'll try my best to leave off in a non-cliffhanger way but. . . we'll see. I don't own anything!**

Steve looked from Kendall to Carlos before finally steadying his eyes on James. He took a deep breath and pulled a chair over, sinking into it with a sigh. "James," He said quietly. "I'm going to give you the good news first okay?"

James nodded mutely, trying to grasp onto the good news that there was good news in the first place. He felt Kendall and Carlos each wrap an arm around him and holding him tightly between them.

"Logan is alive." Steve said quietly.

A hysterical laugh escaped James. "That's where the good news ends, right?"

Steve nodded very reluctantly. "When he fell he hit his head and got a pretty decent sized concussion. But honestly, that's the least of our worries. Like I said before, he was shot in the chest." Steve lifted a trembling hand to point to an area too close to his heart for James to feel very confident in his next words. "The bullet missed his heart by about three inches. But in the meantime he. . . he lost a lot of blood, James. They needed to give him a blood transfusion."

"So," James' voice cracked and he had to clear his throat before he tried to speak again. "So didn't that help him? Why. . ." He couldn't finish.

"Because when they had him in surgery. . . James, Logan went into cardiac arrest. He was clinically dead for about four minutes." Steve stopped, looking apologetic for speaking so bluntly but it was too late.

_Dead. Logan had died._ James tried to take a deep breath and wound up choking because his airway had suddenly become constricted by terror. "He died?" He finally whispered. "But. . . he's okay now?"

"Well," Steve said slowly. "He's alive. But to be honest, James, he shouldn't be. He really should be dead. In fact, the only reason he is alive is because. . . right now we have him on life support. It's. .. it's not looking good. Right now he's in a coma."

"Life support. A coma." James repeated numbly. "Will he. . . wake up?"

Steve could only shrug and shake his head helplessly. "I don't know." He said honestly. "At the moment he's not responding but that could change. He could get better. He could wake up and make a full recovery."

The comforting words did little to help when the tone in which they were spoken was one of doubt and hopelessness. James could tell that Steve didn't think Logan would make it. He thought he was going to die. Because he already should be dead. Tears swam in James' eyes, blurring his vision. _Don't cry! _He ordered himself sternly. _Logan needs you!_ "Can I. . . Can I see him? Please?"

A small smile twitched at the corners of Steve's mouth and he nodded. "Of course." He said, before glancing at Kendall and Carlos. "I'm afraid that we can't allow too many people into the room, at least right after the surgery."

Kendall had his jaw clenched tightly, the way he tended to when he was determined not to cry. But tears were already streaming down his pale face as he gave a small nod. "Okay," He said, his voice breaking on the one word.

Carlos stepped forward and brought James into a crushing hug. "We'll be there with you as soon as we can." He promised, shaking slightly.

James could only nod wordlessly. His arms hung woodenly at his sides. It was like his brain had disconnected itself from the rest of his body and he couldn't bring himself to return Carlos hug. "Okay," He finally said in a whisper.

Kendall embraced James as soon as Carlos released him. "Talk to him." He said into his friend's ear. "I- I've heard that. . . helps." He stepped back and looked pleadingly at Steve. "When _can_ we see him?" He asked desperately.

"Well, unfortunately visiting hours end in only a few hours and-"

"There's no way I'm leaving Logan tonight." James interrupted. "I can't. I won't."

Steve nodded in understanding. "But-"

"Fine." Carlos said, his breath hitching slightly in a sob. "When do they start tomorrow?"

"8:00." Steve told him quietly.

Kendall nodded. "Okay," He took a deep breath and looked over at James. "Okay," He repeated. "James, it's going to be okay. Logan will be fine. He's strong. He'll. . . he'll pull through. Just wait. Hang in there. Me and Carlos. . . we'll be here first thing in the morning. Just. . . tell him we said hi, okay?"

"I will." James promised. A strange sense of calm came over him and he smiled. "I'll see you then, guys." He gave Kendall and Carlos each one last embrace before turning to follow Peter down the halls. Their footsteps echoed in the tomb-like building and James shivered. _Logan will be fine_. He reminded himself. He couldn't imagine his life without Logan so obviously he needed to be okay. This was hard but they would get through it together.

"James," Steve said then, as if reading the other's mind. "You do know that. . . you need to be prepared. If Logan doesn't improve then you might have to make the decision to take him off his life support."

"And just let him die?" James asked angrily. "I would never do that. That would be like giving up on him and as good as murdering him."

"James, right now the only thing that's keeping Logan alive," Steve said as he swung a door open and stepped aside to let James in first. "Is that machine."

It was impossible to ignore the machine. It was the first thing that James saw, even before Logan. He winced when his eyes followed the tubes and wires and came to rest on Logan where the tubes and wires seemed to be connected everywhere. His breath caught in his throat and he swayed slightly, hardly noticing Steve reach out to steady him. "Logan," He whispered.

"Sit down, James." Steve told him gently. He guided James to a chair and sat him down. "Just. . . I'll leave you alone with him for a while. Page me if you need anything or have any questions or. . . any decisions."

James knew what he meant by decisions. But he chose to ignore the reminder of Logan being taken off life support and simply nodded without speaking. He waited until Steve left and closed the door behind him. Then he reached out slowly with one hand and brushed Logan's face, being careful to avoid the tubes and wires. "Logan," He said again. His view of Logan was suddenly blurred by his tears and James bent his head and shook with quiet sobs.

The reality of the situation suddenly hit him full impact. His stomach twisted in the sickening fear that gripped him and his heart felt like it was being slowly and painfully torn in two. His lungs felt like something was squeezing all of the oxygen out of them and after a few desperate gasps of air, black spots danced in James' vision. He clung tightly to the thin fabric of the bed sheets, willing himself to breath. But it wasn't easy.

Logan. He might lose Logan. He would probably lose Logan. James remembered when Logan had first become a doctor and had forced James into a conversation about life support and the rights and wrongs of keeping someone alive.

"_I think if they're old or. . . you know, unable to care for themselves, then it's okay." James could hardly bring himself to look at Logan. Why did he insist on having such a horrible conversation?_

_Logan nodded. "That's how most people feel. But what about keeping people on life support for months or even years? I don't think I can agree with that. I know that there are cases where patients wake up after a really long time but. . . James, I need you to promise me something."_

_James flinched. He knew what Logan was about to ask him and he wasn't completely sure he could make the desired promise. "What is it?" He asked, shakily._

_Logan reached across the table and laid his hand on top of James', smiling when James' fingers instantly closed around his smaller hand. "I don't think that's any kind of life." He said, tears welling in his eyes. "Please don't keep me hooked up to machines for the rest of my life."_

"_Logan," James choked on the name he loved so much. "Logan, nothing is going to happen to you so that you'll end up that way. I won't let anything happen to you. I love you. I need you."_

_But Logan shook his head. "I love you too." He said tenderly. "But I can't protect you from everything just like you can't protect me from everything. Just in case, James. I want to ask you-"_

"_Please, Logan." James begged. "I don't know if I can promise something like that."_

_A smile flickered across Logan's face and he gave James' hand a reassuring squeeze. "You don't have to if you don't want to." He said quietly. "But can you at least try? For me?"_

_James nodded. "How long?" He asked, closing his eyes as he waited for Logan's response._

"_Two weeks." Logan said, flinching when he saw a tear roll down James' pale face. "Don't cry, Jay. You don't have to promise me anything if you really don't want to."_

James' hand unwound itself from the sheet and found Logan's limp hand. He gave it a hopeful squeeze, trying not to fall apart when he received no response. "I don't know if I can, Logan." He whispered. "I'm too selfish to let you go."

There was no way he could lose Logan. Logan was. . . Logan was the entire world to James. His world was stopped right now. His world was a dark place right now. His life would be nothing without Logan in it. It would be like living in darkness day in a day our. Without the sun.

Was it possible to love someone too much? Was it really possible to die of a broken heart? James remembered how Kendall and Carlos had told him that _they_ would make it _without_ Logan. He had smiled in a silent sort of agreement but now he doubted himself. He couldn't imagine his life without Logan. If Logan's life was in danger of ending then so was James'.

"I know, I know." He said as if Logan had just spoken to him. "I know that Kendall and Carlos are hurting too. But. . . they have each other. They will have each other. I'll have them but I won't have you. I don't know if I can handle that, Logan. You know I'm not that strong." It was true. He wasn't strong. Not strong enough to handle this.

James stood on shaking legs and bent over Logan's bed. He pressed a light kiss to Logan's forehead and then sank back down into his chair before his legs decided to no longer support him. He took Logan's hand in both of his and brought it to his lips, kissing each finger gently as tears slid down his cheeks. "I love you." He whispered, feeling like he was drowning and that the only one who could save him was far away. "Please don't leave me."

**A/N. FYI, The music of Glee is my soundtrack whenever I write Jagan fics lol. -slapped- Oh, and I apologize for yet another cliffhanger sjftrotyyo. I swear I tried to leave off better but actually there was no way possible so. . . yeah. FAIL I shall try to update soon, okay? Okay. Klainebows and Jaganbows and a Kamesbow for my Angst Twin One Man Writing Games. -heart-**


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N. Lala. Follow missfenway on Tumblr. -shot- And One Man Writing Games because she keeps making me update this and she's an amazing writer so there. This chapter is dedicated to her because I love her so so so so much. I don't own anything.**

James rubbed his tired eyes and tried to muffle a yawn. He was exhausted but sleep was an impossibility with Logan clinging to life the way he was. James pulled his hand away from his face and looked down at Logan's pale face. He had always been pale but this was different. He looked seconds from complete and total death.

"James?"

He jumped at the unexpected sound of Kendall's face and tore his gaze away from Logan. "Kendall," He said wearily. "Carlos," He nodded to his two friends standing in the door way. "I thought visiting hours didn't start until eight in the morning."

Kendall didn't answer him at first. He and Carlos were both staring in speechless horror at Logan. Then, taking Carlos' hand, Kendall walked slowly into the room to stand at James' side. "James," He said gently, still staring at Logan. "It's almost 8:30 in the morning."

"What?" James blinked and squinted through heavy lidded eyes at the clock on the wall. He could have sworn that the last time he looked at the clock, which was surely only a few minutes ago, it had only been 10:00 at night. Where had the time gone so quickly. "Oh," He didn't really care.

"Oh, James." Carlos finally spoke then, laying his free hand on James' shoulder. "Didn't you sleep at all?"

James glanced up. "Did either of you?" He asked flatly. When they shook their heads he nodded. "Yeah, I thought so."

"Sorry," Carlos apologized needlessly. "How're you holding up?"

James nearly choked on his disbelief. "Seriously?" He asked, his voice cracking dangerously. "How do you think I'm holding up?" To his dismay tears flooded his eyes, obscuring his vision. He brushed a hand roughly across his face so that he could see Logan again. "He's dying." He whispered. "Logan is dying and I can't do anything to keep him."

"Have you been talking to him?" Kendall asked, feeling stupid because the answer was obvious. James' voice wasn't only hoarse because he had been crying. He had also been talking to Logan all night long. A sigh shuddered through Kendall and he sank down into the chair next to James, pulling Carlos down with him. "Anything?"

The hope in Kendall's voice hurt to hear because James had never heard something so desperate. He reluctantly shook his head. "No. Nothing." He cast his gaze down to the bed where he held onto Logan's tightly. "He won't squeeze my hand or nod or. . . anything."

Carlos leaned forward. "Hey, Logie." He whispered, a hint of a smile on his lips. "You're really worrying us, man. How about you wake up? Please? You're making James a nervous wreck over here." As he spoke, he flung an arm over James' shoulders and gave a tight squeeze. "He needs you, Logan." Now Carlos' voice shook and a tear ran unheeded down his cheek. "We all need you. Please wake up."

"Yeah, come back to us, buddy." Kendall joined in the pleading, his voice soft and unsteady. "We need you to get us out of trouble. We need our genius."

"See, Logan?" James asked, fighting for control. "It's not just me. We all need you." He gave Logan's hand a gentle squeeze and then shut his eyes, hoping for even the smallest response. But the hand in his was just as limp and lifeless as it had been since yesterday. "Come on, Logan." He begged. "Please."

"Jay-" Kendall started as he reached for his distraught best friend.

But James jerked away, knocking into Carlos as he did so. "Don't call me that," He said weakly. He shivered slightly. _Jay_. Logan's name for him. More than anything he wanted to hear Logan's voice speak his name. He wanted Logan to tell them everything was going to be okay. But that wasn't going to happen. He looked back up and saw the understanding in Kendall's green eyes and immediately felt bad. "I'm sorry," He croaked. "I'm sorry, Kendall."

"Hey," Kendall was caught of guard by James' apology and sudden flow of tears. He pulled him into a hug while Carlos kept a hand on his back. "It's fine, James. You're right. I shouldn't have called you that. You don't need to be sorry for any of this. You're worried and scared. We all are."

"I-I just can't-" James broke off and shook his head, unable to find the words. He could not lose Logan. Not like this. Not when they were both still so young. It wasn't supposed to end this way, so quickly and violently. "If. . . if. . ." He couldn't bring himself to say it. "I never got to say goodbye." He finally said. "Not a real goodbye anyway."

"Which is why he's not going to leave you this way," Carlos tried to sound confident but his voice was wavering with uncertainty. "Logan wouldn't do that. He would never let you down. Right, Logan?" It hurt so bad to speak to his friend and hear only silence in return. Carlos bit his lip and sighed. "It's really boring without you, Logan."

A tiny laugh escaped from James and he clapped his free hand over his mouth and bent forward, his shoulders shaking with quiet sobs. He heard Kendall and Carlos talking to him, trying to comfort him. But the blanket of sorrow and suffering was so great and he felt completely alone. Logan wasn't even gone yet and he was already falling apart. What would happen if-

The door opened again and James shot back up, breathing heavily. "Steve?" He questioned, his eyes riveted on the doctor.

"Hey," Steve replied softly, not even bothering to ask any of them how they were doing. One glance was enough. "Just coming in to check on my buddy here." He nodded to Logan and walked over to stand by the bedside across from James, Kendall, and Carlos.

"I thought you weren't-"

"Assigned to him because it's too personal." Steve interrupted James as his professional eyes scanned Logan and the machines. "Right. But that doesn't mean I can come check up on him and see how he's doing."

"Steve," Kendall said, hoping to think of something other than his dying best friend for a minute or two. "How. . ." He trailed off, realizing his question might not be very sensitive. "How is everyone else?" He blurted out after a brief hesitation. He just had to know.

Steve smiled tightly. "More or less fine," He said softly. "Logan here got the worst of it."

"Of course he would." James said bitterly. "He's the least deserving so of course this would happen to him. It's not fair. None of this is. Logan shouldn't be dying like this. He's too good of a person to die and too many people depend on him and need him and he's only been a doctor for two years. He has so much left to do." He snapped his mouth shut, forcing his hysteria down. It wouldn't help Logan. That was the hardest part. Nothing would help Logan. Not really. James hated feeling so helpless. He jerked out of his depressing thoughts when he saw Steve frown. "What is it?" He asked nervously. "Steve? Is everything okay?"

Instead of answering him, Steve withdrew his pager from his pocket. "I need someone over in Room 27 on the Trauma Ward."

"What's wrong?" James demanded. His chest felt tight with panic and anxiety all over again. Desperately, his eyes swept over Logan's motionless form, searching for something amiss. But he could see no change and there was no way he would be able to tell anything from any of the machines.

Steve's face was grim and he spoke as two more doctors trooped into the room. "I'm sorry, James." He said with a heavy sigh. "Logan might have developed an infection overnight. This was really the last thing he needed. It looked bad before but now it's looking even worse."

The doctor's blunt words stunned James into silence and he could only sit and stare as Steve and his colleagues hovered over Logan anxiously, deep frowns on all of their faces. "What are you going to do?" He whispered when the silence seemed to last for a full hour. There had to be something for them to do.

"Well," Steve exchanged a glance with one of the other doctors. "We can try antibiotics but it's not looking promising at all, James. Everything seems to be going against Logan right now."

"He'll fight it though." James said refusing to accept the reality that was right in front of his face. He was losing Logan. Quickly. "He will," He added stubbornly when a look of doubt crossed over Steve's face. "He's strong. He'll be fine."

"James," Steve said sympathetically. "I'd like to think that he'll pull out of this too. He's a good friend and-"

"If you really were his friend then you wouldn't give up on him so easily." James said coolly. "You would believe in him. Right, guys?" He turned to Kendall and Carlos, fully expecting them to back him up.

But they were wearing matching expressions of utter desolation and hopelessness. "I-" Kendall started and then fell silent, glancing away from James and at Logan with tear filled eyes. Carlos didn't speak at all and buried his head in Kendall's shoulder, trembling.

"I don't believe it," James whispered. "You're giving up on him too? You're supposed to be his best friends. How could you do this to him? To us? Logan needs you guys to believe that he'll pull through. It hasn't even been twenty-four hours and three of his friends already think he's going to die."

Carlos reached out. "It's not like that, James," He said, pleading for James to listen and understand. "We don't want Logan to die either."

"Then stop acting like you're already at his funeral." James snapped. He turned away from everyone else and focused back on Logan. "Hey," His voice was soft and tender. "I need you to help me prove these jerks wrong, okay? Wake up for me, Logan. You can beat this thing, I know you can." A hand settled on his shoulder. "What?" He asked, not looking away from Logan.

Kendall was staring at the machines that were keeping Logan alive. "We don't want Logan to die," He said shakily. "We're hoping just like you, James, that a miracle will happen and he'll pull through. But he's not even supposed to be alive right now. That machines are why he's still here."

James sat up and glared at Kendall. "Are you trying to tell me something?"

"Only that Logan wouldn't want this," Kendall said softly.

James knew that both Carlos and Kendall were right and he knew that Kendall meant well, but it didn't make it any easier to hear. "For your information, Logan and I already talked about this sort of this when he first became a doctor." It was a wonder how calm and steady he was remaining. "Two weeks."

Carlos and Kendall understood instantly. "Oh," Carlos said with a small nod. "Okay. That. . . that seems fair."

"Fair?" James repeated. "Nothing about this is fair, Carlos. Nothing."

"That's not what I meant-" Carlos began, realizing that he and Kendall were doing a horrible job of comforting James when he needed them so much.

But James wouldn't let him finish. "Can you just. . . leave please? I mean, since you're both so sure that he's going to die, then what's the point? You're just wasting your time here, aren't you?"

"James-" Kendall sounded horrified.

"Leave," James interrupted again. "I don't really want to be in the same room as you right now." He ignored their other attempts at an apology, and kept his gaze on Logan. At last Kendall and Carlos got up and walked slowly out of the room, with quiet whispers that they'd be in the waiting room if James needed them. James snorted. He definitely did not need them. Their negativity was the very last thing he needed.

He was alone again. Alone with Logan. Logan who was slipping away from him far faster than he ever thought possible. James' body shuddered with a deep sigh. "Oh Logan," He stroked Logan's hand with his thumb, staring anxiously at Logan's face, wanting so badly to see his beautiful brown eyes again. "I probably shouldn't have done that, right? I mean, you're their friend. But they're giving up on you. Why?"

James reached up and ran his fingers through Logan's brunette hair. "I miss you so much." He mused. "I miss talking to you and listening to you. I miss everything about you right now, Logan because even though you're still here, it's like you're gone. And it hurts so bad." He leaned forward again and brushed his lips over Logan's forehead, moving around to plant to softest of kisses on the bridge of his nose.

"You're going to be okay," James whispered. "You're going to beat this stupid infection and wake up. You're going to get out of here and go back home with me where you belong and you're going to get better. I'll make you better. And then when you're better maybe I'll let you come back here because honestly I'm a little scared of letting you go back to work after what happened yesterday. But I trust you and I believe in you so I know you'll be okay. Just come back soon because I miss you."

He kissed Logan one last time on the forehead, yearning to feel his lips kissing him back. But the wires and tubed that stuck out of his mouth kept him from even kissing him there. James slowly cupped Logan's face in both of his hands and let his finger trail down the sides of his face. "Come back to me, okay?" He asked.

Two weeks. He had two weeks before he had to say goodbye. Logan had to wait up before then. James knew in his heart that he could never go against Logan's wishes and keep him on life support for longer than that. He loved him enough to let him go. He just hoped that his love was enough to bring him back.

**A/N. All done! I actually didn't listen to any music while writing this. Hm. . . Oh, and I'm sorry about the ending. I've come to the realization that this story just has to have cliffhangers at the end of every chapter. I mean, they're not horrible but. . . anyway. Jaganbows and Klainebows to you all. Alex, you only get your Kamesbow if you update 'Inhuman' tonight. I love you all!**


	6. Chapter 6

**A/N. Another day, another update. If Fan Fiction will work for me because right now it's being really mean. Anyway, I don't own anything.**

Time passed even though it felt like the world had come to a stop. Minutes turned into hours and hours turned into days and they all slipped by like grains of sand between James' fingers. He couldn't stop the inevitable. He couldn't do anything. He was helpless. Time was running out.

There had been no change in Logan. James was constantly trying to tell himself that at least he hadn't gotten any worse. The infection had been mild and fairly inconsequential in the end. Logan was still the same. But then again, how could he get any worse without dying? He certainly hadn't made any improvements. His hands were still as cold as ice no matter how much time James spent trying rub warmth and life into them. He was, as far as James knew, completely oblivious to everything around him. He still hadn't responded to James' voice no matter how much James begged. Nothing.

James was exhausted. In the eleven days that had passed since the hospital shooting, every other victim had been released. In the ten days that had passed since he last spoke to Kendall and Carlos, James had ignored any attempt the two had made to try and talk to him. He let the doctors and nurses that came in and out of Logan's room communicate with his friends, informing them on Logan's condition. There wasn't much to tell anyway. He had only the smallest amount of sleep, dozing off for a couple hours every night, frequently waking up, drenched in sweat and sure that Logan was gone. He had hardly eaten anything but he never had any appetite. Logan was fading and so was James.

"Logie," He whispered softly. "It's been a while. I miss you. When are you coming back?" He sighed when once again, there was no sign that Logan had heard him. He was so lonely. Logan was right by his side but at the same time it was like he was alone. He had driven off Kendall and Carlos and though part of him wanted to have them there in Logan's room with him, another part of James was so angry for them giving up on Logan. "What should I do, Logan?" He wondered aloud. "Should I call them and tell them to come back? Should I apologize?" Deep inside, he knew the answer. He knew Logan would want him to hold onto his friendship with Kendall and Carlos.

So, with a deep sigh, James reached for his phone and dialed Kendall's cell phone number, knowing that Carlos was probably with him. "Kendall," He said with his voice breaking right away. "I-I'm sorry. For everything. Please. . . please come back. I need you. Both of you."

"James," Kendall sounded relieved and worried all at the same time. "Hang on, buddy. Carlos and I will be right up."

James hung up, only slightly confused by Kendall's choice of words. What did he mean by they'll be "right up"? His question was answered in five minutes when the door opened and his friends walked in, engulfing him in an embrace from both sides. "W-What-" He started to ask.

"We never left," Carlos told him, his own weary face mirroring Kendall's and James'. "We've been downstairs the entire time driving the doctors and nurses all crazy. We didn't want to leave in case you needed us. James, we're so sorry. We shouldn't have give up on Logan like we did." He turned to see Logan and was hit by a crushing disappointment when he saw no change.

"Y-you. . . you never left?" James whispered, completely stunned. "You've been here the entire time?"

Kendall nodded and gave James a tight smile. "Never," He said softly. "We wanted to be here for you when you needed us."

"But. . . it's been over a week," James said, wincing slightly at the reminder of how much time had gone by because it reminded him of how much time Logan had left. "Where have you been showering and eating and-"

"The hospital has some pretty good resources," Carlos chuckled quietly. Then he looked at James in concern. "Have you slept or eaten or anything?"

James shrugged. "A little sleep here and there and some food when I can stomach it. Honestly, I haven't been hungry since. . . since before."

"James," Kendall sounded upset. "You need to at least eat to keep up your strength. You're not going to help Logan if you starve. Do you want us to get you something?" He glanced at his watch. "It's a little after 1:00 right now so we can have a late lunch."

Kendall's expression was too hopeful and desperate for James to turn him down. He nodded. "Okay, but nothing huge. I'm not hungry right now. Can you bring me some coffee too please?" He tried and failed to cover up a huge yawn, wincing when his jaw cracked painfully.

"Sure," Carlos said, not looking particularly thrilled by James' request for caffeine. "Be right back, buddy. Just hang in there." He hugged James with one arm and then stood up to leave the room with Kendall. "See you in a little while, Logie." He called over his shoulder.

James blinked back sudden tears that surprised him and glanced down at Logan, still fighting a ridiculous hope to see a reaction. Nothing. He sighed, wondering if he would get used to the disappointment of having his hopes crushed over and over again and then he wondered if by then it would be too late. "Hear that, Logan?" He asked as cheerfully as possible, his voice sounding like he was at a funeral. _Don't think about funeral, don't think about funerals, don't think about funerals. . ._"You'd better wake up to see Kendall and Carlos when they come back. And me because I'm pretty sure I miss you more than the two of them combined."

"I can't believe those two. They're crazy. They never left even when I told them too. Not really. They were waiting for me to come to my senses all this time. After all the crap I've put them through this week by ignoring them and not letting them see you." Suddenly, the reality of what he had done hit James full force. If Logan died then Kendall and Carlos missed out on spending so much time with him in his last days.

"No," He shook his head violently. "That's not going to happen. You're not going to die." He gripped Logan's hand even tighter and ignoring the voice that screamed that he was in denial, fell silent to wait for the return of his best friends.

* * *

"So what have you guys been up to all this time?" James asked. He didn't really care but he needed to talk about something. He stared across Logan's bed at Kendall and Carlos who stared back at him in complete silence until he took a bite of the hoagie they had brought him. He wasn't sure if it was because it was from the hospital cafeteria or if he was too sick with worry, but his stomach churned as he swallowed the small bite. "There, happy? So tell me. What have you been up to?"

"Not much," Kendall answered truthfully. "Waiting to hear if anything. . . you know. . . changed with Logan. We met and talked to a few people and read every magazine they have in the waiting room so many times that I have the recipes memorized. Oh, and Steve would hang out with us on his lunch breaks. Kendall shook his head sadly. "He's pretty messed up along with a lot of the other doctors and nurses. Traumatized, I mean." He clarified for James when he looked confused.

"Oh," James said softly. He set the rest of his hoagie back down, feeling sick. The shooting had occurred at lunch time. Steve had been with Logan and Logan- "You know what?" He asked, looking at Logan but speaking to Carlos and Kendall. "I'm. . . I'm so mad at him."

"Steve?" Carlos looked mildly indignant.

But James shook his head. "Logan," He croaked. "I'm mad at Logan. I'm mad at him for walking right into danger and thinking he could do something about it. I'm mad at him for thinking so little of himself that he would do that. I'm mad at him for getting shot and. . . and ending up like this. Didn't he think about me? For one second? Didn't he think about how much this would affect me? I don't want him to die and. . . and he probably will."

"Hey," Kendall stopped James' wild ranting. "James, where did all of your optimism go? Weren't you telling me and Carlos that we can't give up on Logan just yet? He could pull through, you know it."

"But what if he doesn't?" James asked, finally speaking his fears out loud. "What if he doesn't and I have to take him off his life support? What if he dies and I have to say goodbye? How am I supposed to say goodbye to him? I don't think I can let him go."

"Don't worry about that today, James." Carlos told him suddenly. "There's still time."

James nodded. "I know," He said, wiping a few stray tears away. "I just. . . I just realized how afraid of time I am. I mean, it's not something you can control is it? You just have to let it control your life and you don't have a say at all. There's nothing you can do."

"Only wait," Kendall. "And maybe everything will work out in the end. If not. . . you'll have me and Carlos."

James flinched. "What if I lose you guys too?" He asked in a frightened whisper that made him sound like he was about five years old. "I don't know if I'll be able to handle losing Logan and I know that if I do it will be because of you. But who will I have if I lose you?"

"James, don't think about that." Kendall said firmly. His eyes were filled with tears but he blinked them back so he could move around Logan's bed to hug James. It was only a second before Carlos was there with him. "James, you can't go through life thinking that one day everyone is going to leave you. What kind of life is that?"

"But, I'm. . . I'm so afraid." James said, shaking in his friends' arms. "I don't know what I'll do." Hr gripped Logan's hand in his and buried his face in Kendall's shoulder, allowing Carlos to rub his back gently. "I won't be okay, not even eventually so don't even try to say that."

"Okay," Carlos said, not wanting to upset James further. "But like Kendall said, don't think about it. Just relax for now. Talk to Logan some more."

James nodded and took a deep breath to compose himself. "Okay," He whispered. "Logan, can you hear me? If you can hear me open your eyes or nod or squeeze or just. . . just squeeze my hand. Anything." Nothing. Again. But James would refuse to give up hope until the very end.

* * *

He was alone with Logan again. Kendall and Carlos had gone to the cafeteria and James had asked them to eat there because it had gotten to the point where even the smell of the cafeteria food made him feel sick. He knew it was unhealthy for him to not eat like this and he could only hope that Logan would wake up and yell at him for starving himself.

It had been thirteen days. Thirteen was an unlucky number. James couldn't shake the horrible feeling of dread that he wasn't going to get what he wanted so badly. He couldn't stop thinking that the end was almost upon them. He now found himself spending the long nights, laying awake and planning out Logan's funeral because really what else could he do? He hadn't told Kendall or Carlos about his negative thoughts because they scared him. He couldn't stop from thinking them.

"We'll have flowers," He murmured, stroking the top of Logan's hand. "Because you like flowers. And even though I'm not sure if I can do it I'll sing a song for you. And I'll come visit you every single day."

He couldn't do this. Tears flooded James' eyes and blinded him. His throat tightened and he could no longer speak so he laid his head down on the bed and cried. Sobs tore through his body, shaking him so hard that he wondered if he could go into shock. His heart felt like it was going to explode from the constant ache. "Logan," He pleaded. "Please. I need you. I can't-"

Then there was a light pressure on his hands, so light that James wondered if it was just his imagination, half crazed from his severe lack of sleep. All the same, he sat up slightly and looked at Logan's face, his tears already beginning to slow. "Logan?" He begged, thinking that if he wanted it bad enough, it would happen. "Can you hear me?"

It wasn't his imagination. It happened again, stronger this time. "Logan," James breathed. Forgetting where he was and who he was and everything but the fact that Logan could _hear_ him. "Logie, please. I need you to wake up for me. Come back for me because I need you more than anything else in the world." He looked down and _saw_ Logan's fingers twitch in his hands. He could barely breathe.

"James," Logan's voice was a mere whisper and it nearly stopped James' heart to hear after such a long time. His eye lids fluttered, trying to open. He squeezed James' hand again when he started to cry. "James,"

"Logan, you can do it," James wondered if he should be calling for a doctor but he couldn't bring himself to look away from Logan's face. He held his breath and blinking back tears as Logan continued to struggled. He winced when he saw the pain on Logan's face and almost turned for the call button but then Logan's eyes opened.

His brown eyes looked tired and were filled with pain and worry but it was Logan. He was back. James bent forward and leaned towards Logan, pressing their foreheads together as tears streamed down his face. He felt Logan's hand on his face, brushing his tears away and he heard his voice murmuring softly. Logan had come back to him. "I love you." He said tearfully and then closed his eyes and listened.

"I love you too, James."

**A/N. OH YEAH GREAT ENDING. BYE.**


	7. Chapter 7

**A/N. Yay Logan's awake! I don't own anything.**

James drew back and placed his hands on either side of Logan's face, staring hard at him, terrified that he was only dreaming. "Logan," He whispered. "You're awake. I. . . it's been so long. Almost two weeks. You. . . I thought I was going to lose you." A voice inside his head screamed at him to call for a doctor but he couldn't move. He couldn't take his eyes off Logan's face. "I was so afraid, Logan."

Even through all the pain he was in, Logan's first thoughts were of James. James who was crying harder than Logan had ever seen him in all the time they had known each other. James, white-faced and sickly looking, shaking so hard that Logan had to reach up and steady his hands. Logan wanted all of his fears to go away instantly. "James," He said in a weak whisper. "Don't cry."

"Don't cry?" James' voice cracked and shook on just the two words. "Logan, you-" He stopped abruptly, fulling realizing for the first time how much pain Logan was obviously in. "You need a doctor." He finished and turned to hit the call button, keeping a firm grip on Logan with his free hand. He turned back to his boyfriend, his heart leaping with an indescribable joy when he saw that he was still awake.

"How long?" Logan asked, wondering exactly what James meant by "almost two weeks".

"Thirteen days." James shook his head and clumsily tried to brush away the tears that continued to fall. "Tomorrow was the last day because you told me that you didn't want to be kept alive by machines for longer than two weeks. I didn't want to lost you but I knew it was what so wanted so-"

"Shhh," Logan soothed, giving James' hand a squeeze. He smiled slightly, his heart aching when he saw the torture in James' eyes. "I'm sorry," He murmured. "I'm so sorry for scaring you like that. You look so horrible."

There was a hint of disapproval in Logan's voice and it brought a genuine smile to James' face. He laughed softly. "I was too worried about to to worry very much about myself." He admitted. He started to say more but the door opened and he turned to greet Steve, surprised when he saw that Kendall and Carlos were right behind him. "Hey," He greeted them with a huge grin.

Steve had just enough presence of mind to rush over to the bed but Kendall and Carlos stood motionless in the doorway with their mouths hanging open in disbelief. "Logan," Carlos choked out, swaying slightly. He gripped the door knob as if it was the only thing keeping him upright and continued to stare.

"Hi, guys." Logan replied softly, a sad smile on his face. "Sorry I had to worry you so much."

"You're awake," Kendall said, weakly stating the obvious. He dragged in a deep gulp of air and crossed the room, pulling Carlos along with him. The two of them sank down into their chairs by Logan's bed and released simultaneous sighs of relief. "Wow, Logan." Kendall spoke again, running a shaking hand through his hair. "I. . . we missed you."

"How do you feel?" Carlos asked, snapping out of his trance.

Logan grimaced. "Like I got checked into the boards by a truck." He tried to laugh but now that the initial shock had worn off in the room, it was all too easy to see how much pain he was in. His brown eyes were clouded over and his face was white.

Worried, James squeezed Logan's hand and looked up at Steve. "Can't you do anything to help him with the pain?"

Steve jerked around to stare at James and then nodded. "Y-yeah," He said, his professional composure nonexistent. "Hang on, man. Let me get your doctors. They wouldn't let me work on you, not that there was anything I could do." He shook his head. "Thanks for scaring all of us so much."

A crooked smile masked some of Logan's discomfort. "Sorry," He said tiredly. He watched as Steve left and then turned to look at James. "How bad was it?" He asked softly.

James shook his head and gently pushed Logan's hair off his forehead and kissed him. "Don't worry about that right now," He said. "Just relax. You were the only one anyone was worried about. Everyone else who got shot is home and resting right now."

Logan sighed in relief and closed his eyes. "Good," He murmured. "I'm glad everyone is okay," He opened his eyes and studied James and Kendall and Carlos intently. "You're all okay, right?"

"Now that you're back with us, we couldn't be better." James said honestly, smiling when Kendall and Carlos nodded their heads in quick agreement. He looked up when Steve returned with a long needle and a half-smile on his face. "Well?" He asked uncertainly.

"Morphine," Steve replied, holding up the needle. "It'll probably put him back to sleep for a while but he'll be more comfortable." He quickly inserted the needle through Logan's IV and then smiled when Logan started nodding off right away. "Good to have you back, Logan. I'll see you around."

Kendall stood up, Carlos mirroring his actions. "Carlos and I are going to head home and clean up a little bit," He said quietly, with his eyes on Logan. "We'll give you some time alone." He leaned over and patted Logan carefully on the shoulder. "See you later, buddy."

Logan nodded sleepily to their farewells and watched as they left the room. "So," He said, yawning. "I hate to sleep so soon, James. Are you going to be okay?"

"Of course I will," James promised him. "And I'll be right here when you wake up, I promise." He leaned down and pressed his lips to Logan's, his breath catching in his throat at the contact he thought he would never experience again.

Logan reached up slowly and gently brushed away the lone tear that was tracking its way down James' face. "Get some sleep, okay?" He ordered. "You need your rest too." He smiled when James hesitated and pulled him in for another short kiss. "I promise," He whispered. "That I'll be here when you wake up."

James watched Logan lean back and close his eyes. In only a few minutes he was fast asleep, his face clear of any pain. James sighed and keeping their hands linked together, he leaned back in his chair. He didn't want to fall asleep but his eyes were heavy and he felt more peaceful than he had in such a long time. He kept Logan's promise firmly in his mind and eventually he drifted off to a light sleep.

* * *

He woke to the sound of familiar voices. Carlos and Kendall had returned and they were talking to Logan. _Logan_. A smile spread over James' face and he opened his eyes, rubbing the sleep away. After acknowledging the presence of his friends, James looked at Logan. "Hi," He said softly. "Feeling any better?"

"A little," Logan admitted. The pain in his eyes had returned but it wasn't as obvious as before. "What about you? You look a little better than you did earlier."

"Really?" James laughed. "How bad did I look?"

Concern crossed Logan's face and he looked down at their hands. "Horrible," He said quietly. "Worried sick and exhausted. Have you even been eating?"

James shrugged. "A little food here and there. I haven't really been hungry. I couldn't eat even if I wanted to. But," He added when he saw the deep disapproval on Logan's face. "I think I'll be better now. As long as you stay with me."

"You better," Logan murmured. "Because as much as I'd love to knock some sense into you, I can't really do much of anything right now." At James' worried frown, he was quick to add a more positive statement. "But I will get better soon, especially with you guys with me. You just have to take care of yourselves too."

"Don't worry about us," Kendall said. "Just focus on getting plenty of rest and getting your strength back, okay?"

"I can't do that if you guys aren't sleeping or eating," Logan insisted, beginning to look stressed.

"Logie, relax." James smoothed, becoming slightly alarmed. "We will take care of ourselves, okay? But you come first." He stroked the back of Logan's hand with his thumb and then lifted it up for a kiss. "Take it easy, okay?" He smiled when Logan looked at him with mild annoyance but fell silent. "I forgot how much I missed that."

"What?" Logan asked.

"You caring more about others than yourself even when you're worse off than the rest of us put together. Of course, that's what got you here in the first place." James bit his lip and tried to blink back the oncoming tears but he was too late. "I'm sorry," He whispered, brushing the tears away as they fell.

"Hey, it's okay." Logan told him. "Everything will be fine."

"I think that's. . . I think that's part of the reason I'm crying again," James admitted with a laugh. "Because I'm just so glad that you're awake and you're getting better and-" He cut himself off and leaned down to kiss Logan. "I love you so much. Please don't ever scare me like that again. Don't. . . don't ever leave me without at least saying goodbye first."

Logan's own eyes had filled with tears and he kissed James gently. "I'm here now," He said. "You can't get rid of me that easily especially when I haven't told you all goodbye." He pulled away and glanced up apologetically at Kendall and Carlos. " I mean you guys too, you know." He said quickly, only a little ashamed for practically ignoring them.

Kendall laughed and shook his head. "We know, Logie. Don't worry about us."

"Anyway," Carlos broke in, looking serious. "James here was the one who never gave up on you."

Logan didn't look the least bit surprised. "That's because he's so stubborn," He said fondly. "And I know for a fact that if I had died he would have brought me back to life and killed me all over again for leaving him."

"Hm," James hummed thoughtfully. "Not right away though."

Kendall's eyebrows shot up and he and Carlos muffled their laughter.

Instantly, James turned bright red and buried his head on the bed sheets. He heard Logan laugh and then wince in pain so he sat up. Once he felt sure that Logan was okay, he glared at Kendall and Carlos. "Are your minds always in the gutter?" He asked with a straight face.

"Just ignore them," Logan said comfortingly. "Sorry I left you to deal with them alone for so long." He grinned at their friends to show them he didn't mean a word.

"I'd probably be worse off if I didn't have them," James said honestly. "They kept me together as much as they possibly could."

"We all kept each other together," Kendall said with a shrug. "Like James said though, only as much as we could. I don't know what would have happened if you had. . ." He fell silent and glanced down at his hands in his lap. Then he cleared his throat as if to try again but he still didn't speak.

"I'm proud of you guys," Logan said quietly. "I'm really sorry you had to go through everything but you did so well now and everything is fine. You don't have to worry anymore. Hopefully I can get out of this hospital soon and we can head home, James."

James smiled at the thought. "Home. It's been a while." It felt like ages ago since he had last been there, playing the piano by himself and missing Logan, completely oblivious to the fact that he had been fighting for his life then. He couldn't wait to get home with Logan and relax, trying to get things back to normal as much as possible. He knew that their lives had been changed forever but one thing that would remain the same was their bond. Then again, it had been changed, but it had been changed for the better. They were even closer now.

**A/N. Well, I don't really like the ending but the next chapter is the last and I've been wanting to write it since I started this thing so yeah. And I'm on Tumblr and getting distracted by pictures of the boys in cars and James and Logan are in one car and Kendall and Carlos are in another and it's perfect and I can die happy now, okay? I love you. Have whatever kind of bow you want this time. BYE.**


	8. Chapter 8

**A/N. Last chapter yay! I don't own anything.**

"I'm fine, James." Logan said for what felt like the fiftieth time that afternoon. He sighed when James once again, ignored him, and wrapped an arm around his waist, supporting him as they walked from the car to the house. "It's so good to be home," He said contentedly, leaning against James as he waited for him to open the door. "I love being a doctor but being a patient is the worst."

"I agree," James said, swinging the door open and taking Logan's arm. "I wouldn't mind if you were never a patient again. Actually, I wouldn't mind if you never went back to the hospital again. Find a new job. A safer one. What about a computer consultant? Don't they work at home? You'd never have to leave."

Logan chuckled softly at the hopeful tone in James' voice. "But I need to be a doctor, James. Don't worry about when I go back because it won't be for a long time. Even if I tried to go back early, they wouldn't let me in."

"Well," James began to point out. "To get to them, you'd have to get past me and. . ." He trailed off as he led Logan to the couch and eased him down with the utmost care. "I'm not about to do that anytime soon. I don't want to let you out of my sight right now." He sat down beside Logan and pulled him close, being careful not to hurt him. "It's so good to be home but only because you're here with me." He said quietly. "I thought for a moment that I'd have to do this alone."

Logan rested his head on James' shoulders and shut his eyes. "You wouldn't have been alone." He reminded James. "Carlos and Kendall."

James shook his head though. "It wouldn't have been the same."

Logan looked up at the mere whisper that James' voice had become. "No," He said slowly. "It wouldn't have been the same. Any time you lose someone close to you, your life is changed. But I know you would have been okay eventually. It would have taken time but you're a strong person and Kendall and Carlos are the greatest guys you could have at your side." He reached up a brushed a tear away from James' face. "I'm right here, James." He said gently. "You don't have to worry about losing me right now."

In one smooth motion, James brought Logan into his lap in a close hug. "Logan," He said tearfully. "I know that and it means the world to me." He shut his eyes and stayed perfectly still for a long minute, feeling Logan brush his fingers through his un-kept hair and listening to him talk quietly. "I love you," He said after some time.

"I love you too, James." Logan replied, placing a light kiss cheek. "Thanks for not giving up on me by the way."

"I couldn't." James said truthfully. "I could never really give up on you, Logan." He smiled and allowed himself to relax as he held Logan in his arms. After some time he noticed Logan seemed to be getting tired and he reluctantly pulled away. "Want to head upstairs? You might be more comfortable there."

Logan nodded and stood up slowly, trying and failing to hide the obvious pain on his face. "It's nothing," He started to dismiss James' unnecessary panic. "I'll be okay, James. I just need to lay down and rest, that's all. Hospital beds aren't the greatest and with all the doctors and nurses coming in and out of my room I was never really able to relax. I'm home now so I should be fine."

James released the breath he had been holding. "Okay, good. But let me help you anyway."

"James, I-" Logan stopped talking to cling to James' shoulders as he was unexpectedly swung into his arms. "James, you're being ridiculous. I can walk."

"Not up the stairs," James said firmly. "Not today anyway." He stared at Logan's face, mixed with shock and embarrassment. "Please," He added, knowing that it would work.

A smile twitched at the corners of Logan's lips and his blush faded away. "Fine then." He gave in with an exaggerated sigh and allowed James to carry him up the short flight of stairs and into the bedroom. He sighed once again but this time out of comfort when James laid him down.

"Will you be okay for ten minutes?" James asked, straightening up. "I haven't showered in a while and-"

"Go ahead," Logan nodded and waved him weakly away. "I'll be here." He opened his half-closed eyes when he didn't hear James move away and pulled him into a kiss. "I promise I'll be here, Jay."

James nodded and kissed Logan one last time before he hurried off to the bathroom. He hadn't been home since before the shooting and he hadn't even taken the time to take advantage of the hospital showers until the doctors were certain that Logan would make a full recovery. Even then it had been a quick shower. So he was obviously in desperately need to a good cleaning.

He pulled his shirt off, grimacing when he realized for the first time just how much he smelled. Why had Logan never said anything? Because Logan would never ever say anything bad about anyone, especially James. James rolled his eyes, telling himself he'd have to have a talk with Logan about his tendency to be too nice to everyone. After all, wasn't honesty the best policy?

As good as the warm water felt on his aching shoulders and as much as part of James wanted to wash his hair, the part that wanted to be back with Logan won out and he finished a brief but thorough shower in ten minutes flat. He haphazardly ran a towel through his damp hair and pulled on a clean pair of sweats.

He walked back into the bedroom quietly, and smiled when he saw that Logan was already asleep. He sank down on the other side and pulled the covers over both of them and then reached for the TV remote, draping one arm around Logan. Before he could even turn the TV on, Logan stirred and he looked down. "I'm sorry. I didn't wake you up, did I?"

Logan blinked sleepily and grinned up at James. "Kind of, but I don't mind. All I've done lately is sleep anyway."

"You should be getting your rest." James pointed out worriedly.

"I am," Logan took the remote from James and turned the TV on. "I don't want to sleep though because I want to spend time with you. Let's watch _Glee_. We missed the last episode, didn't we? Aren't they supposed to sing original songs at regional?"

"Mhm." James murmured. "Well okay, but after that you need to sleep. Deal?"

Logan rolled his eyes at James' over protectiveness but he nodded in agreement. "Deal." He smiled at the look of satisfaction that crossed James' face and shifted even closer to him.

"Finally," James exclaimed when Kurt and Blaine shared their first kiss. "We've waited long enough, haven't we?" He laughed and leaned down to kiss Logan, surprised when Logan met him halfway and placed a hand on the back of his neck as if to keep him there.

For an instant, he forgot about everything. He forgot about Kurt and Blaine and _Glee_. He forgot about Kendall and Carlos and he even forgot about the shooting as Logan's lips moved against his in perfect synchronization. He became slightly lightheaded and breathless when they didn't break apart right away but he couldn't think straight to say anything. All James could think of was how much he had missed kissing Logan and being kissed back like this. He laid one hand on the side of Logan's face, stroking the smooth soft skin, and placed his free hand and Logan's waist. He shivered when he felt Logan pressed up tightly against his bare chest, his fingers brushing carelessly through his hair.

But then Logan turned and his hands slid from James' hair and ran down his chest. James gasped and broke the kiss when he felt Logan's fingers linger at the waistband of his sweats. "Logan," He said, trying to catch his breath. "No."

Logan drew away, looking surprised and dazed at the same time. "But-" He started to say, stopping when James laid a finger over his lips.

"Logan, you just got out of the hospital," He reminded him in a whisper. "Not today. You're supposed to be resting today, remember?" Before Logan could protest again, James went on. "I don't want to hurt you." He could tell by the slightly dimmed look in Logan's eyes that he already was hurting and he hated himself for it. "Just rest, please. For me."

Logan glared up at him and rose slightly to place one more kiss on his lips. "Fine," He mumbled. "But only for you."

"Whatever works." James smirked and then laid Logan back down, brushing his lips against his forehead. "Do you want to finish watching _Glee_ or do you want to try and get some sleep?"

Logan turned to him, his eyes already drifting shut. "Sleep," He said, yawning. "You'll stay here, won't you?"

James nodded and laid down besides Logan, wrapping both arms around him. "Of course I will." He turned the TV off and shifted Logan so that he was laying more comfortably in his arms then dropped his head to the pillow, keeping his eyes open as he watched Logan start to fall asleep.

"Are you okay?" Logan asked when he heard James take an uneven breath. He opened his eyes and instantly he understood. "Hey," He whispered. "It's okay to cry, James. You don't have to be ashamed."

James chuckled dryly. "Yeah, but I feel like that's all I've done." He released Logan so that he could brush away the tears that hovered in his eyes, threatening to fall at any moment. "I'm sorry," He apologized. "I just can't stop thinking about how close I came to losing you. Logan, you _died_. You were clinically dead for minutes and then you were on life support and then you had an infection and then you were in a coma and not responding at all and-"

Logan turned so that his back was pressed up against James' chest. He lifted James' hand and laid it over his own chest, right where his heart was. "Feel that?" He asked, craning his neck to meet James' gaze. "That means I'm alive, Jay. I'm right here with you and that's all that matters."

James was quiet for a minute and then nodded, his face brushing through Logan's hair. "Okay," He relented, a tiny smile appearing on his lips. "You're right, Logan. As usual."

Logan returned his smile and then dropped his head back onto his pillow. "That's better." He murmured, sleep pulling him into a restful state. "I'll see you in the morning, James. I love you."

"I love you, Logan." James replied, not moving from where his face was buried in Logan's hand and his one hand still rested over Logan's chest. He listened as Logan's breathing evened out until he was asleep. Each inhale and exhale was the most wonderful sound James could think of and the rhythmic beat under his palm was the most wonderful feeling ever. He had come so close to losing Logan but against all odds here they were, together again. Just as it should always be. James pressed one last kiss to the top of Logan's head and laid back down, closing his eyes. For the first time since before the shooting he felt himself being lulled into a peaceful slumber, the sound of Logan's breathing and the sensation of his heartbeat, a lullaby to James. Everything was going to be all right.

**A/N. The end lol. For real this time. Everyone have a rainbow. I think I'm going to go cough up the huge ball of fluff that I swallowed. Peace!**


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